The World According To E, Ryan and The Girl

Lily reinvents dating

Lily: Daddy, can I go on a double date?

Me: Six is a little young for a double date. Who do you want to go on a double date with?

Lily: Mike and Kevin.

cows

I had to drive Lily somewhere and got very lost. So on our next trip together, Lily expressed concern.

Lily: Can you drive Daddy? Are we going to get lost this time?

(Oh no! My daughter thinks I'm incompetent.)

Me: Lily, Daddy can drive. Last time I just didn't pay close enough attention and missed a turn, then went down too far and didn't know where I was. I thought I knew the address and I should have planned better... 

(I went on for quite a while. Taking full responsibility. That's good. Have I restored her faith in her Daddy?)

Lily: Hey I just saw cows!

smart girl

Lily: Daddy, my tooth hurts.

Me: Oh? Is it really loose?

Lily: I don't think so. It just hurts really badly.

Me: I'm sorry.

Lily: I don't think I can go to school today it hurts so bad.

Me: OK, well let's make an appointment with the dentist.

Lily: Ugh Daddy it doesn't hurt that bad!

(she leaves room)

youngest

Lily, who has two older brothers, just came into my office quite perturbed. "Daddy, I need a sign that says 'No people in my desk' please."

I'm not that damn old

Me: Everyone needs to say thank you to the dude working.

E: What if it's a girl? Shouldn't you say "dude or dudette working?"

Me: No, the word dude can be male or female. It just means "person."

E: Maybe it was like that when you were young.

Me: What? What do you mean?

E: I mean you don't talk to a lot of girls now.

Me: What? I talk to girls all the time.

E: When you were young maybe.

sometimes you have to put your foot down

Sometimes kids just cross the line.

Me: No! No! No! 

You may **not** tickle someone and then say "time out" when they go to tickle you back.

password

Daddy: I'm setting up a new password on your computer. You'll need Daddy or Mommy to enter the password to be able to use the computer.

Ryan: OK.

Daddy: I'm going to log you in now so you can play for a while.

Ryan: OK. Can you type the password in slowly?

the rest of the story

Ever wanted to know what Jack looked like at the bottom of the hill?

 

time for a diet

Lily asked me why a woman's belly had gotten so big. I said because there is a baby growing inside her.

Lily: Do men have babies?

Me: No, men don't have the parts to have babies.

Lily: Then why is your belly so big?

sucker

Lily: Daddy, do you have a one dollar? I want to see what it looks like.

Me: (opens wallet) Sure, here you go.

Lily: (looks at dollar) I'm going to keep this, OK?